As I step out of a meeting, I wondered nearly aloud: “What was that about?” Yet another hour spent with a group of people, both on the phone and in the room, where NOTHING of any value was accomplished. So much time together, with so little to show for it. And then Ron Swanson (my favorite character from the TV show, Parks and Recreation), ran through my head: “Why don’t people know how to meet?” For those in the know, he actually said “eat” instead of “meet” but it still works.
 
I wondered why don't people know? Maybe nobody ever showed them? Maybe they haven't experienced a good meeting? With that in mind, here are my Four Guidelines (because there aren’t really rules) to achieve a good meeting.

1. Only meet if you need to have a conversation: No conversation, no meeting. The temptation to have meeting (because that is what you should do at a company) is tremendous, but resist and make sure the topic requires conversation. This could be an opportunity to get clarification, to problem-solve, to make a decision (my favorite!), or to get input.  It is not a place to read the text of a slide. There is a far better mechanism for that. It’s called email. If you are truly just passing information with little expectation of return feedback from a group, email is the thing. The converse holds as well, don't use email for a conversation, instead have a meeting!
2. Focus only on the meeting topic:  Mostly that means no multi-tasking.  I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard, “sorry could you repeat that?” Often from people in the room!  It's maddening.  If people are not paying attention, then perhaps the meeting agenda is not that useful.  Just put it in an email and be done with it.  Better yet, don’t send it all.  It may not need to be shared.
3. Be creative with formats: There's no law that requires meetings to be sit down affairs scheduled in 30 minute increments. Try a 23 minute stand up meeting and see what happens. Use a 5-minute sand timer to limit how long someone can speak. People will suddenly become aware of the time they take up. Use video so that everyone can see each other. You can formalize some roles and the meeting tone will change. Appoint a timekeeper, a note taker, and a facilitator to keep things moving. It draws people in and gives them permission to move the meeting along
4. Rate your meetings after they are done: This can be painful but instructive. The scale I like is a simple 10-point scale but with some anchors. 5 is, the meeting was as useful as being at my desk working. That’s not bad. It means there was some value to the meeting. 10 is, the best meeting I’ve attended this week. It’s a high bar (hopefully) but shouldn't we be striving to make these meetings useful? 1 is, I’d rather be standing at the gates of hell inquiring about entrance. This is not as much hyperbole as you might think. It's just an inquiry about entrance not actual admittance. You know you've been in meetings where these sorts of thoughts come up. I find that many meetings land about a 4. That’s not good. It means other better work could be done outside the meeting. Even a 7 meeting can be of great value. They don't all have to be 10s.

For those still skeptical that these will make a difference, I ask you to imagine the opposite. People come together, they don't know why, and they are not sure what to do. They do it because others do it. It may be enjoyable but often not productive. To me that's not work, that's playing company. Imagine hearing, “I'll make the agenda!” “I'll get the snacks!” “I'll send out the invite!” Those people are playing, not working. It's silly.
 
Employ even one of these techniques and you will be a meeting master. Employ them all and you will be a meeting genius.  

​What do you do when you have so much to get done and your team is just not focused? Let's get right into it...
 
The first thing to do, of course, is to get yourself focused. What you focus on grows, right? Take five minutes to jot down….

• What needs to happen and by when?
• Why does it matter?
• How does this connect to the purpose of your work and the purpose of your team?
• What’s trying to get in the way?
• What can be done to minimize what’s getting in the way?

Getting a little perspective helps! You could probably come up with a quick game plan with the answers to these questions alone.
 
But let’s talk about what to do when the team is under stress. In the best case scenario, the team is stressed yet energized toward the goal. They’re into it! It’s awesome! The worst case is when the stress they’re feeling is leaving them deflated or hostile. Getting a team like that to focus can be particularly difficult and no fun.
 
When a team is stressed and energized, the main thing to do as their leader is to sustain their momentum and feed that energy. Pick your spots to remind them of the vision -- where you and the team are going and how their work is getting you there -- and stay out of their way. Don’t disappear! Your attention matters. Try not to be a hovering manager but instead a coach on the sidelines -- encouraging and quietly communicating confidence in them.
 
When a team under stress feels deflated or angered, that’s clearly a different story. Now is the time to separate their emotions from the pressure you’re under.
 
Here’s what I mean. You probably know in your gut what’s wrong. Think about it. Are people feeling disrespected? Are they tired from running hot for too long? Maybe they don’t understand why their work matters. Or, they do understand but they don’t think their work matters to their leader or the company. Maybe there’s a change in direction that’s really unexpected and very different from the path they thought they were on. The point is to check in with yourself. Looking at things from their perspective, you probably know something about why people are feeling the way they do.
 
Here are some other questions to answer:

• How have you contributed to the situation -- both good and bad?
• What’s at stake for you? The team? The company?
• What do you have the power to change?
• What will you commit to changing (be realistic) that will make the most difference (think big)?

 
Acknowledging and communicating comes next. Your team needs to hear you acknowledge the problems before they’ll see you as credible and get onboard. It’s time to share your vision for the future and why it matters in terms of what’s at stake. It’s also time for you to declare a personal commitment that you will stick to. And, ask for their help.
 
This approach may seem dramatic but it’s effective no matter how emotionally charged the situation is. The idea is to tune into what’s happening with yourself and your team, decide how you want it to be and lead.
 
Sure, you could lay down the hammer instead. You could threaten them (directly or indirectly) to focus. You’re the leader, you can do what you want. But be careful, threatening is not a long-term play. Sooner or later your reputation shows up long before you enter the room. What you do in these moments becomes the content of what people say about you when you’re not there. And, that has consequences for who will follow you, who you attract and, eventually, impacts your contribution to the world.